Everybody's Bruising....

"It never hurts to lose a few pounds. "
I tell myself this everyday as I stare in the mirror.


I don't look the way I want.


I thought that having control over the whole food thing would change that.


Initially it seemed like a good idea.


Food has begun to disgust me.

I hate the way I feel when I eat too much.


These days too much is equivalent to anything at all.


I hate feeling full.

Bloated.

Fat.

If I want to feel beautiful I can't expand like a sponge.



The feeling beautiful thing hasn't really happened yet.



I've learned to eat something only when the dizziness and aching have become too much to handle.



I thought that no one had noticed.
"Oh no it's okay, my stomach is feeling funky today."

"I already ate but thanks anyways."

"I ate a huge breakfast!"

"Too many cramps to think about food!"

"Watching Steve eat has taken away my appetite."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."


It's been working perfectly too. I thought no one had taken notice...that is until I stayed over at the Curtis' and I continually denied my hunger, claiming a stomach bug was on the horizon.

Sometimes I struggle to keep it together. I thought I had it together until I caught Soda giving me a concerned look.

The stare made me uncomfortable because I knew he had seen through my mask. I should've known I'd never be able to fool him.


This makes me look so weak.